Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
