dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
