Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
