I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I look excited, but its just a facade.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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