It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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