This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.