I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday