im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
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I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
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Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder