There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!