I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
