Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Randomize
