Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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