Nicole vs. Life
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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