Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
