i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
