I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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