it hurts more in the daytime
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
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Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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