I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
