Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
