If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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