franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
