They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
