Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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