I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
