Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I cannot find my penis.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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