I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I could fuck to npr.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
