so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
