I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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