and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm getting married
To pizza
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
