Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We talked him into tasing himself.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
