So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
