I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
