Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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