Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
