I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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