I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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