Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
