she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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