Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
