I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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