Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
