Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
