you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
