Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
