its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
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I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
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I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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