I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
