im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
