Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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