Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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