census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
