Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
