I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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