you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
