I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
