No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
