The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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