I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
