dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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