You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
