just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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