your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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