Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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