my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Mom said you looked used
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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