i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
