sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We need to get me chipped asap
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
