Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
