Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
