Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
