Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
