Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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