Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
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I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
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