If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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