rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize