I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
