first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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