I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize