I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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