You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize