i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
