that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
