Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
