he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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